Failure..

I really fuckin’ sucks how hard I worked for almost a month and lost like 4 lbs.. For real, I’m such a fat ass, I should be dropping pounds left and right for minor effort!
No, no, no.. After circuit training daily, a 500cal workout and walkin’ 2mil a night and not really drinking, it amounted to shit.. So I started drinking nightly again, my weight didn’t change – doomed to be forever fat!! I still walk a lot, but ran out of money to food shop, so ppl come home with fast food.. Hoor-fuckin’-ray! I get to eat like 1500 calories in a sitting and be hungry an hour later!
What the fuck!!

I fuckin’ fail no matter what!

Fat girl clothes issues..

Something I noticed.. I gained so much weight in such a little amount of time, (1 1/2 yr, 110lbs) that I’m not mentally as fat as I really am. I refused to donate my small clothes to make room for my fat girl clothes because it feels like a commitment to being fat, like giving up hope of ever changing.
So while I was downstairs, I found a bag of dirty clothes I forgot to wash and I washed them.. Now as I just finished folding them, it was like ‘Yay, my fave shirt!’ Or ‘Oh I missed these pants!’. But as I held up these articles of clothing, I actually thought they’d fit. Like my baggy pants I love.. I just tried them on and wow, I am fat. I was/am so disgusted that I didn’t even put the clothes away. I picked up a pair of fat girl pants I’ve been wearing and held them up and thought, fuck they’re so huge!! Slid them on and reality.. They fit perfectly. What the fuck.